Internet interactions
12-point guide for engaging with social media
I have a major issue when I come across articles by people who propose restricting my access to the internet, for my own good. It is my belief that the opportunities for exchange and meaningful interaction that it provides are to be treasured, not restricted.
There are downsides to this anarchic abundance, of course. From the anonymity of their online presence, people sometimes say extremely unpleasant things that they would never say in person. In the absence of gatekeepers, I have to be my own protector as I enter into this multiplicity of possible pathways of connection.
These are the guidelines that I follow when I am considering posting something online. What would yours be?
- Does the item add to the sum of wellbeing? In other words, is it funny/interesting/inspiring/thought-provoking/beautiful or heartwarming?
This is my core guideline. I would want to bring more light than dark. Some people are able to address very difficult topics and are strong enough to get out of bed the next morning to face a new day, but I am not one of them. Investigative journalists, for example, who expose horrific behaviour to public scrutiny. I know that I can’t stay unaffected, so I don’t go there. Which brings in another personal maxim: play to my strengths, and be glad of others who play to their strengths.
2. Why do you want to post it?
Give a brief explanation. What is self-evident to you might not be to anyone else. Communication is a really tricky skill. Will others see the relevance, humour, value or profundity that you do?
3. If you are sharing someone else’s stuff, have you checked out the source? Are you sure it is reliable?
I am amazed at how often I have fallen into this particular bear-trap. You may have come across stories reported in seemingly reputable news outlets that later turn out to be embroidered if not plain fabrication.
4. Do not post anything that makes you angry.
It will only make you and others feel worse, which does not add to anyone’s well-being and almost certainly won’t resolve the issue that made you angry in the first place. If something makes me angry it probably means that I haven’t fully worked it through yet, which means that I’m not ready to talk about it anyway.
5. Do not disagree with or criticise anyone else’s posting.
Even when I think they have got their facts completely wrong, I won’t correct them. It may well make them angry (see point 4). It’s ok to question or ask for clarification but not to argue. I don’t use the angry emoji, or the laughter one if the post was not meant to be funny. If I completely disagree with a post then it is unlikely that a meeting of minds will ensue, so what is the point of engaging any further? In my experience, nobody ever changes strongly-held views as a result of carefully-reasoned argument, and especially not from a stranger.
6. Know your own tolerances.
Are you sure you are ready to post this? Is it too personal? Does it make you feel vulnerable? Is it something that you will be ashamed of a day, a month, a year from now? Will you be able to deal with whatever comes back?
7. Avoid referring to tribes of which you do not see yourself as a member, unless you have something positive to say that you have noticed personally.
Political affiliation tribes, for example. Words like “right-wingers”, “left-wingers” or “liberals” can mean different things to different people, and have positive or negative value ascribed. They are presented as shortcuts to give depth of meaning, but in my experience are usually so unclear that they have the opposite effect.
You will often find that qualities are ascribed to other tribes such as politicians, or teachers, or doctors; or particular nationalities. Individual doctors or politicians, for example, may turn out to be quite different from the stereotype.
8. Be generous.
When you see someone’s post that brightens up your day, let them know with a ‘like’ or a comment. Otherwise, how will they know that it has been received?
Those are the posting guidelines. There are also four reading/watching/listening guidelines.
9. Do not take sides, especially in politics or with large organisations. Look for the balancing view, the bigger story.
This is about power: personal power. Public figures and campaigners have their own agendas. Watch them, give credit when it is due, but don’t let yourself be unconsciously recruited by them. What do you want to empower with your attention? Even when someone has an almost messianic radiation and seems to be acting totally for the good, they are not you. You have your own trajectory, which may or may not intersect with theirs. If you choose to become a devotee, then be aware that there may be unintended consequences to that decision.
10. If someone posts a link without explanation of why they posted it, don’t click on it.
See point 2 above. Plus, you don’t know where it may lead. You are your own gatekeeper here.
11. If an article/podcast/post criticises someone else without offering them a right to reply, stop reading/listening to it.
I see no point in reading news articles which engage in character assassination. It’s rude and inhumane, and does not add to the sum of human wellbeing. I would much rather search online for the individual under attack, watch them speak for themselves and then make my own mind up about them.
12. If a commenter reduces the discussion to the level of personality by criticising the author rather than questioning the points they are making, don’t engage any further with them.
In an online forum or comments section, you can measure how contentious the topic is by the time it takes before the discussion descends into personal abuse. I think we are getting better at that, or maybe I just avoid those sorts of discussions these days.
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My life is enriched by online interactions. I keep in contact with old friends and meet new ones, anywhere on the planet. I can listen to, read and watch so many talented and insightful individuals. Yes, there are people who want to sell me things, or persuade me about things. They have to make a living, although I cannot for the life of me see why someone would want to advertise on a streaming platform. It interrupts the process and is so irritating.
Yes, safeguards need to be in place for those who are vulnerable to exploitation. That is another, related subject. For paid-up adult members of the human race I think that a little care and mindfulness is well worth the effort to have the chance to engage in that world.
